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the cycle of my undecided artistic endeavors
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Make A Wish
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Today we painted with blue.
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Bereavement in their death to feel
Nature Hunt
"The secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all
the details of daily life, and in elevating them to art."
I went on a walk and took pictures of things that I thought were interesting around our house. I have discovered that I am never disappointed in what I find if I only take a few moments to really look closely :)
Busy, busy, busy :)
I've been so busy these past few weeks! I have hardly had any moments to just sit, think and create. I usually write or sketch in my journal every day, but I finished my last page in my journal sometime a few weeks ago. I need to make a new journal so I will begin to fill pages with strange and wonderful designs that I let flow freely from the hidden parts of my mind. I will make a new journal though after this weekend. But I haven't been completely creatively stagnant, I've been practicing playing my guitar like crazy lately. I play it until my fingers swell. I adore this new found passion. I embrace it, I welcome it and I look forward to new things. Like singing with my children and husband, we do that often, and spending time with my mother who loves music. She gives me all her attention and genuinely helps me with songs. I think that this has been the best thing that we have shared.
My baby will become a teenager. I'm crying now after I typed that. He is my life, and has been ever since I became pregnant with him when I was only 16. I can't believe how fast time flies by. It barely waits for me to catch up. But I always do, catch up. So he will be my little man. I am so very proud of him. He is such a considerate person, so compassionate, and such a good listener. I can see his goodness in his eyes. He is naturally easy to get along with, and on top of that he makes straight A's and never gets into or gives me any trouble. I am truly honored to be given the chance to be his mother.
"You never realize how much your mother loves you till you explore the attic - and find every letter you ever sent her, every finger painting, clay pot, bead necklace, Easter chicken, cardboard Santa Claus, paperlace Mother's Day card and school report since day one."
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What am I supposed to be doing? In this life. I know my role as Mommy, and I give it my best, wasting no opportunity. And if I mess up from lack of patience it only takes me a few moments, a deep breath and a nod of the head to get me back on track and focused, followed by complete awareness and a softer voice :) But when I am alone what am I supposed to be doing with my time as an artist, I wonder daily while I put a load in the wash, sweep the kitchen, unload/load the dishwasher. Maybe I should finish that book I was making, after glancing at it hiding underneath the coffee table as I straighten the pillows on the couch, but what cover should I use because that book is just too special to me. Would I even be able to part with it? Would another person see the specialness in it as I do, would they even want to buy it, and then "never mind", as I journey down the hall hauling a load of towels to fold. 
Ah! I should paint, that is what I will do, but what? Should I paint something cute with lots of grungy texture, no, maybe I'll draw some of my line drawings and frame them, maybe I'll find a way to get my photography printed, and that reminds me, I need to upgrade my camera - a rebel or a nikon(?) - its all too much to think about as I make our beds, and am again reminded of the silence that fills this house. So I pick up my guitar and strum it to satisfy my yearning for art and I wait for my children, in this house... I wait. Like my creativity waits for me inside my house/body. Waiting for me to return. And when I return I am still so childlike with many questions, and my curiosity is like my children are when they fill this house with their wonderful noises and voices. I'm on the edge looking over and into all these choices, not knowing which one to leap towards. But I will leap. I will. One day. Soon. But when, I do not know but when I am ready... I will know. I am almost ready. 
My children just may venture out into this world before I know what I should be doing with my art. I have all this time it seems but not enough of it at the same time because it vanishes so fiercely not waiting for me to decide on how to spend it, and I am given the same amount as everyone else (time, that is). With time there are no favorites. But I am always distracted by my family (as I want to be and as I should be) and then when the house is quiet again I almost can't remember where I left off. Oh yeah, what am I supposed to be doing? In this life. I'm going to go cut the grass now :)
~Valaine
